not for the squeamish

this is awesome! a 200-yard-long spider web

"At first, it was so white it looked like fairyland," said Donna Garde, superintendent of the park about 45 miles east of Dallas. "Now it's filled with so many mosquitoes that it's turned a little brown. There are times you can literally hear the screech of millions of mosquitoes caught in those webs."

gay marriage beats the environment

apparently, americans care more about gay marriage than the environment. at first glance, this is very upsetting to me. i could take a couple paragraphs and rant about how gay marriage is a stupid political issue (my libertarian stance is: WHO CARES. GET YOUR OWN LIFE IN ORDER), but after looking at the way the survey question was phrased and just calming down and thinking about it, i'm slightly less riled up. also slightly more disheartened.

protecting the environment and worrying about global warming (as opposed to oil dependence) is a concept that most people are just too apathetic/confused to care about. its effects don't smack you in the face (unlike 3.10 at the pump ... or two dudes making out). it takes research and diligence to really care about these things, and it takes someone who can worry about concepts very abstractly and very long term.

i don't give people too much credit. they don't really deserve it.

sorry for the incoherent rant. i'm too sleepy to fix.

football is almost here

nfl preseason games sort of suck, so they don't count.

tonight is the first set of games (which i sadly won't be able to watch), but all the stories running up to the season start have got me giddy. if you, too, want to get hyped, here goes:


mike hart suffers tragedy. mike hart overcomes. mike hart is the man.
i'm such a sucker for this human interest story, especially when it shows a guy with some integrity.

fate has dictated that joey harrington will start for the atlanta falcons. he is a very good-looking pianoman with a (from what i can tell) hot wife. gay men also love him.

few of you guys probably care about UVA football (plus they're not incredibly good, sorry maggie), but another "ali is a loser" story piqued my interest the other night. i think i just like the love story at the end between the 22-year-old inside linebacker and his wife (they connected at church!) kind of young, if you ask me, but makes for good reading.

penn state = worst fans ever

ohio state is the official rivalry, and their fans pretty much suck. notre dame is the most overrated team ever, plus most of those kids are total douchebags (south bend is also a shit hole. so many churches). but the team that flies under the radar in crappiness is penn state. they have the irrational exuberance of ohio state, but nothing to back it up. they are eternally bitter about not being very good, and they just whine a lot in general. i ran across this hilarious cover from their student paper. like the michigan daily, they put out tabloid-sized pullouts for each game (maybe just home games), and here's the one from their game against michigan last year.


your "phantom seconds" made the second best game of my life.
suckers.

if i see another superbad review

with a horrible pun in its headline ... let's just say i'll be annoyed.

ok headline writers. i am one of you. and i'm not impressed. if you think writing that superbad is "super good" or "kinda ok" is clever, then welcome to the rest of the world that thinks the same thing. you're only "pretty much average." grow up.

ever had a beluga whale shat toward your face?

hotlanta is a toasty town, so me and the fam headed to the georgia aquarium to cool off and look at some fish. i'm more into eating fish than looking at them (although we did go to a seafood restaurant right after. how morbid), but apparently the atlanta one is the biggest aquarium in the _____.
after paying 24(!) dollars to get into the place, we see some neato sea creatures and wander to the beluga whales. look ma! an alien:


i was surprisingly interested until the damn thing decided to take a huge dump all over the tank glass. i am sad to report i did not get a pic of that.
i took the catastrophic event as a sign to depart (more like a huge "get the eff outta here"), and so we went back to the hotel to prepare for a delicious seafood dinner.

the atlanta airport = definition of a clusterfuck

if you haven't noticed from previous posts, the flight from chicago to atlanta did not go smoothly. after all was said and done, i had spent a full 7 hours on one plane. this is a flight that should take one hour and 49 minutes. they didn't even feed us. and we all know how i get without food.
plus, you know it's bad when—as you walk into the aircraft bathroom to pee—the flight attendant asks you to not flush b/c they're trying to conserve water.

the only comfort i had was that everyone else going in to and coming out from that airport was suffering similarly. the customer service line looked horrible, the bathrooms were destroyed, and most tellingly, the airport bars were littered with empty glasses and beer bottles. so maybe they didn't suffer, at least not immediately.

reporting from knoxville

adding onto my whirlwind tour of the US, i am now sitting in the same plane as before, but this time in knoxville, tenn. rain apparently wants to fall wherever i am, so in an effort to not fall out of the sky as we run out of gas waiting for the atlanta airport to let us land, we diverted to tennessee's third largest city.

anyway, this is not that interesting and i'm not even that upset or frustrated. it is what it is. what was interesting was halfway in the middle of the flight, a funky smell decided to permeate throughout the cabin. smelled like a fire or chemical leak or something. it was pretty stinky, and potentially dangerous, and i can't think of a better thing to do than what our three fair flight attendants did: aka PANIC. they ran around, checked the overhead compartments, made everyone peek into their bags, and generally created a great sense of unease. i was worried they would land the plane because of it.

happened anyway. gr.

reminds me of the time a guy had a seizure on a flight to san jose. we had to stop in albuquerque to get this moron off the plane. is it mean to call someone who just had a seizure a moron? no, not if he's an epileptic and had pills and didn't take them, and then inconvenienced 200 people along the way. note to sick people: take your pills.

gate A4B at chicago midway

jesus. did hurricane dean make its way to chicago?

i'm currently sitting in the third row from the back of airtran flight 933, waiting to go to atlanta. it's pouring cats, dogs, giraffes, etc. and i've been delayed at least 45 min. that means i have lots of time to blog. LUCKY YOU.

i have nothing funny to report from madison. we stayed at a so-so hotel in the middle of the campus bars. we drank. we met girls named megan. i was complimented on my shoes. normal day all around.

i'm happy to report zach and i have not killed each other. and that my feet have shrunk back to normal size. stay tuned for pictures.

farm shows suck, and other thoughts of south dakota

zach and i drove a combined 11.5 hours today through montana, wyoming, and south dakota. nothing too ridiculous till it's bedy time.

it's 1:30 am central and we pull into mitchell, SD, a midsized city that has all your basic strip mall amenities. we assume we can walk into any hotel and get a room since it's worked out that way so far.

our streak of luck has officially ended.
apparently a really good time and place to have a huge farm symposium is right now and in this city. every room in the town is booked. except one. at the super 8 motel. so straight from a dingy room in southeast SD, i bring you the day's happenings.

i'll get to some montana stuff later, but basically, the badlands are (surprise) pretty barren. we drove 30 min out of the way to see mount rushmore, took a bunch of blurry photos from the side of the road ($8 for parking? eff that), and left thoroughly underwhelmed.

but the real highlight of the drive was eating at SONIC. if you live in michigan you are treated to sonic commercials all the time. crantastic, jalepeno strips, blah blah blah. sounds like the best place ever. except there are none around. however, south dakota has them, and boy did we treat ourselves. the slushies are as good in person as they look on tv. truth in advertising.

p.s. zach and i also split a smoothie from junga juice in idaho. it was good. i take it all back. it's the battlestar galactica version of expensive, high-calorie smoothies.

tomorrow: madison. and maybe you'll even get to see pics of the past couple days. sky's the limit.

ack! i'm slackin

here in bozeman, things are getting a little hectic (plus i passed out while blogging for work). i'm gonna grab me a huge coffee and start getting to work before we drive out to south dakota. the next two days are gonna be rough, but that's why you do this shit when you're young. i hope to do a tuesday update later today, maybe in the car if i can get reception.

idaho: you sometimes smell like alpaca

the roads to boise sort of smell like llama, but at least the speed limit is 75, which just means my driving is only slightly less illegal. i already made my one obligatory potato comment, so i'll leave you with this photo.


dear downtown boise,
i know you think you're cool because you have a PF chang's and they do indeed serve delicious lettuce wraps and banana dessert, but i think you got tricked by this knockoff smoothie place. the colors are similar, but what you're actually looking for is Jamba Juice.
junga, maybe i'll give you a try tomorrow, but the original is almost always better than the knockoff. netflix vs blockbuster, george michael's "faith" vs limp bizkit's, cheez-its vs cheese nips.
i'll reserve judgment of the newly reunited spice girls, but you get the point. get your act together.
love, alison

oregon trail: we did not die of dysentery

hooray! we made it to boise without losing any oxen. along the way:
1. we went to two oregon wineries and did tastings. one tasting (at 11:30 am, no less) could be described as "intense." we also bought a lot of oregon wine to drink when i come back to ann arbor for the oregon game.

2. we realized while forging through the oregon trail (for real) my ultimate driving song is ludacris' "move bitch." sample lyrics include, "i'm doin' a hundred on the highway / so if you do the speed limit, get the fuck outta my way." and yes, zach's 4-cylinder car can in fact go 100. (shh. don't tell him.)

3. we went to a snooty golf course, and also a nice-guy course. neither of us play golf.

4. we passed by the ore ida headquarters/factory (of frozen potato fame), which is right near the oregon-idaho border. its name origins became immediately clear.

5. i still haven't been to washington state, but look how close i was.


6. alpaca sheep are everywhere.


they also smell.

7. and lastly, if you ever find a restaurant that hangs hundreds of hats from the ceiling, then definitely order the greasy jumbo burger with lots of onion rings. they are sure to be delicious.



thanks zach, for the awesome post title.

oregon so far: lots of hills

today we drove straight up from san francisco to the portland area. the drive was fine, and oregon is very pretty, etc. that is, pretty until we showed up.

before you hit portland on i-5, you pass by the sleepy town of eugene, home of the university of oregon. draped in lightning yellow and thunder green (whatever shade "thunder" is), the university of oregon has that nasty knack for being a huge pain in michigan football's ass (think umich v. oregon circa 2003). anyway, zach and i are still bitter so we gave some structure on campus the business. observe:


by desecrating part of their land, we hope to curry favor from the gods in this year's sept. 8 matchup. good times.

other than that, little to report. zach and i just caught up on things, listened to our respective "road trip" and "driving" playlists, and ate. we ate delicious authentic northern californian burritos; cooked, but cooled, frozen pizza; and burger king's spicy tendercrisp chicken sandwich, which was unfortunately neither spicy nor crisp, but i do think it was chicken.

tomorrow (today), we explore more of oregon, and also head to boise, idaho. maybe we'll visit boise state, but we don't really hold any grudges with them. and seriously, why would i care about BS if it somehow doesn't relate back to umich.

the "vacation" begins!

it is 9:22 am and i am sitting on a plane in atlanta. i am 5 hours into my cross country adventure that will take me from DC to atlanta to san fran to portland area to boise to bozeman (montana) through the badlands to chicago back to atlanta then back to dc. sound insane? it is.

notable events so far.

against my better judgment (or even halfass decent judgment), i went out drinking last night to relieve the stress of the week. this was fun (various reasons), but in a town where bars close at 3 and where i needed to get moving at 4:45 am ... this inevitably is hurting real bad right now.

since i got to the airport relatively late (5:40), they ran out of seats in coach. no worries though—i'm totally bad ass and always rewarded for my irresponsibility. i got upgraded to first class for free. BOOYAH.

now i'm sitting at a window seat at the back of the plane, next to an old grandma type who sort of smells like pee (or maybe it's the aircraft?) i hope to fall asleep soon and for the entire 4 hours and 45 minutes. the first leg of driving is soon approaching, and i need to get some beauty sleep to cruise. happy trails.

how retro

a guy kills his partner = not news. a guy kills his partner with a sword = wtf?

Sgt. Mike Huff said a collection of swords and knive [sic] was in the room. Huff described the sword used in the stabbing as a "unique weapon."

in the mad rush to finish this big work project ...

i didn't eat a lot. sometime around 4 pm i became massively hungry, bought popcorn from the vending machine, and took a 2.5 min break to expertly pop some maize.

as a testament to my cooking skills, the bottom of the bag contained only 41 unpopped kernels. and nothing burned. i am amazing.

i then DESTROYED the entire bag.

and now i feel sick. sweet.

is this a racist headline?

New U-M Study Finds Chink in Toyota's Armor

probably not. bad choice of metaphor, though.

this week is gonna be a bitch

for all of you who know where i work, it is the week before we launch our biggest product of the year. if you think about it, you'll know what it is. anyway, it also means this is the busiest week of the year. even worse, thursday is the busiest day of the year. imagine all the work-related superlatives you can think of, and they are probably happening in the next couple days for me.

i'm not making excuses, but if the blog posts get a little thin in the meantime, you'll know why. you've been forewarned, go read some older posts for your fix. the jennifer clayton one is still my fave.

the always awkward "i see you got your hair cut" convo

the gender divide widens. as regular readers (hi friends!) of my blog may know, i just got my hair cut. some observations of the experience.

when a girl mentions the change of hairstyle, it usually is along the lines of "OMG, your hair is so cute! adorable! tres chic!" no one's actually ever burst into french complimenting my hair, but the point is, women have a very effusive and complimentary approach to new hair. as fake it can seem, it's at least easy to follow up (as the complimentee) with something like, "oh thanks sooo much. i'm so glad you like it. it's such a big change, but i've been thinking about it for ages. blah blah blah." it can be shrill, but at least it's something.
however, if a boy says something about your hair (if he even notices), it's often a short, unemotional statement of fact. the classic, "oh. you got your hair cut. huh."
i like to reply with a "yes, i did get it cut," a lame attempt at a joke (my current fave: "i got quite a bit off. wanted to get my money's worth. har har"), and then an extended hands deep in my metaphorical pockets silence.
the men in my office are especially good at this awkwardness, but at least they noticed in the first place. one boss said it was very "becoming" and another commented "sassy." my favorite, though, was the never before heard "you got your hair changed." this young buck really knows to make a girl feel speshul.

today's lunch: fish tacos

i know i said i'd write about restaurant week, but i kind of dropped the ball on that one. for the most part, i had pretty good meals, but nothing to run to mama and papa about. i had mussels (twice), lettuce wraps, duck, veal (babies!), and pasta. i noticed that restaurants love serving pana cotta for dessert (hit or miss), and for the most part, dc sucks for the food connoisseur.

in return for my slackerness, i'll describe what i ate for lunch today. i was in a mood and made fish tacos, which turned out gloriously.


i got free lemon cucumbers, tomatoes, and jalapenos from people at work with nifty gardens in their backyards. i mixed all of the above with cabbage, red onion, cilantro, chili pepper, mayo (i accidentally got vegan. oops), red wine vinegar, and lime juice. how much of each did i put in? hells if i know.
i took that ghetto coleslaw, added panfriend tilapia, chopped avocado, and cheese on top of corn tortillas, then presto! lunch. highly recommended "recipe"

my head feels light

but maybe it's b/c i got my haircut. haha, got you good. got up at 8 (gasp) to get a 5-inch trim. looks sweet, but forgot my camera. pics to come.

UPDATE: emo pic alert.

bizarre email

at 12:25 last night (about an hour ago), i received perhaps the most bizarre e-mail ever.

I am sorry to bother you. I have a silly problem. I have heard the name or phrase "Alison go" some where in my past. I cant seem to place it. Maybe from a childs book or tv show. I have also heard someone else say "Alison go"(this guy was Canadian) Please dont think I am teasing you but if you have any clue that may help me clear up my dim memory, I would appreciate your help.

Thank you,
Mark from Missouri

ok, seriously, i have no idea what to make of this. my response: "uh. have you tried google?" what else am i supposed to say?
we'll see if he responds. what? it's probably from chaucer, which makes me question anyone who studies chaucer as a serious academic exercise. if this guy reads the canterbury tales, then anyone can.

UPDATE: my good friend mark e-mailed me back.

Uh yes. That is where I found your address. Anyway, thank you. I knew it sounded strange. I am sorry to bother you and thank you very much for the fast reply.
Mark

no less confused, but here is some info. good friend mark could be a civil practice lawyer yet his e-mail suggests he works at fidelity. i'm officially a weirdo magnet.

the zen of podcasts

you'd think life in the city has gotten infinitely more stressful than a bucolic troy existence. for the most part, my brain is still intact, and i think i know why. podcasts.

i'm a pretty impatient person (duh) and the one thing that pisses me off more than anything else is the inability to do anything—when you don't have any control of over your inactivity. the most obvious examples are waiting in line, waiting for the bus, and driving. you just sit/stand there, staring blankly ahead, forced to stay in that position. feels like wasted time, and i hate it.

but podcasts get me through. they allow me to feel useful as i remain stationary. even if i remember nothing from the science friday broadcast or a university lecture—at that moment, i believe i'm learning something. no time wasted, and no stress caused. it's beautiful. DC is a horribly inefficient city and waiting is a way of life, but podcasts help me cope. (beer helps too)

this, of course, is no good when the bus is 30 minutes late and 6(!) of the same bus going in the opposite direction pass by in the meantime. i haven't bitched about the bus in a while, but that's how messed up my brain was when i got to work. plus the bakery next door switched their colors from yellow to pink. total mindfuck.

i want this shirt

but not in ohio state colors.


she looks so happy

i got me some business cards

so after months of internship and finally getting hired on, i now get business cards. instead of lying and saying either 1) "i'm sorry, i totally ran out" or 2) "sorry, i'm pretty new so they haven't printed them out yet," and then embarrassingly scribbling my name/number/e-mail on a ripped scrap piece of paper. i personally liked option 2 because it was sort of the truth, but option 1 just makes me look cool. now i am unburdened by the shackles of cardstock anonymity.


looks pretty cool, eh? apparently i'm not supposed to advertise or even mention who i work for in my personal blog, so i blocked out all that info. if it was really important to know, you can just check my facebook page and see who i work for (even better, you should just know off the top of your head, since you're my friend or whatever). anyway, better to be safe than sorry (not that i'm very good about being safe about this sort of thing). playing with photoshop is also fun.

the problem with michael vick/rape

unless you have complete apathy for all the things going on in the world, then you know about the legal problems atlanta falcons QB michael vick has been having. he (allegedly) ran a dog fighting ring, and now everyone is super pissed off. actually, people are really really really pissed off. nike, rawlings, and reebok have dropped their endorsement contracts w/ vick because of his involvement with this "severe form of cruelty," and the nfl is on a headhunting mission. DOG FIGHTING??? vick, you spawn of satan.

the NAACP chapter in atlanta is saying the persecution/prosecution is driven by the color of vick's skin. that is stupid, for all the reasons listed here by drew sharp. "Vick's problems involve race only from the human race perspective." (holy crap, i'm linking to drew sharp!) let's also not forget that vick is an asshole, and the press loves to pillory assholes. barry bonds is example #2.

but what's really dumb is the latest development. pittsburgh post-gazette reporter paul zeise has gotten in trouble for saying, "It's really a sad day in this country when somehow ... Michael Vick would have been better off raping a woman if you look at the outcry of what happened." people were upset by the insensitivity of his words. he apologized.

i wish he didn't.

zeise is absolutely right. it is a sad day. why are people more upset (and if not more upset, equally upset) by dog fighting than a woman being raped? dog. woman. dog. woman.
i don't actually think people care more about dogs than women (although some do), but in reality, the real issue is how controversial and confusing the charge of rape has become.
things like the duke "rape" case don't help. they put doubt into any rape allegation. it takes away the kind of moral clarity that is necessary to be outraged. admit it, when there's a rape charge, don't you automatically wonder if it's true?

granted, rape allegations do cause a hubbub (duke? kobe?) and maybe their frequency has dulled our sensitivity to it. i'll wait and see what happens to vick. kobe essentially admitted to assaulting that girl, and no one even talks about it anymore (except this guy), so if vick's transgressions fall equally into obscurity, maybe the feminist in me is all riled up about nothing. i just don't like being compared to a dog.

high-functioning coke heads

if you're not sure you've ever seen one, here's a pic of my ex-roommate/landlord.


and according to fishbowl dc (dc media gossip site), he is a dead ringer for bill richardson and also alberto gonzales (another dc fuckup).

so i never actually ever saw him do coke, but another roommate told me, so it is obviously the truth. i do have fun stories involving him (ranting, raving, bullying, and passing out on a dirty hardwood floor), that weren't really fun at the time. and the best part is that at the end, i preferred his dog—this dumb (not lame dumb, but stupid dumb), aggressive, ugly pitbull—far more than the owner. ugh.

CONDOMS. got your attention?

this is a really boring and horribly written editorial from the bowling green news that basically says, "TV people: show condom commercials. for the children."
the only redeemable section is their nifty euphemism for our protective little friends: "coins of safety."
"hey babe, you know i can put a coin of safety on with my teeth?"

life in the fast lane

i hate when people gush on their blogs about how sorry they are for not posting in so long. i'm so over it. i don't apologize. ever.

since i've been a bit busy the past couple days, i'm just going to list a bunch of stories that have really hung in my mind.

the first is directly related to my bush-ian policy of not apologizing. science friday on NPR did a bit on cognitive dissonance (link to the mp3). an abstract:

Do you have a hard time admitting you were wrong? Turns out it's really not your fault. According to social psychologist Elliot Aronson, our brains work hard to convince us that we are doing the right thing, even in the face of sometimes overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Join guest host Joe Palca is this hour for a talk with Aronson, co-author of the new book "Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me)."

the theory is that when there is a disconnect in your brain between what you know is right (either factually or morally) and something you've done (made a horrible mistake or hurt someone/thing), your brain's natural outlet is to rationalize. even though brain scans, this "dissonance" is shown as stress, and when it is relieved by rationalization, there is actually a jolt of hormonal euphoria to correspond, which explains why more people make excuses than just admit they were wrong. i wish they had talked about how cognitive dissonance relates to nazi germany (how ordinary men were slowly trained/brainwashed to be killers ("i was just following orders"), which leads me to recommend this classic nonfiction title). nonetheless, very interesting and very illuminating on how people can just skate over horrible/dumb things they've done.

next up is more NPR, and this pair of stories (part 1 and part 2) about rape of american indian women on american indian lands. because indian lands are weird pockets of federally run area surrounded by state-patrolled wasteland—and the law enforcement through the federal bureau of indian affairs is almost entirely worthless—an exceedingly large handful of nightmarish rapes and beatings go unpunished. and the worst part is that sex offenders and thugs know it's a lawless land. most of the unpunished attacks are committed by non-indians. the whole thing is sad/pathetic/infuriating/depressing. it's racism, sexism, inefficiency, denial, incompetence, apathy, and just plain evil wrapped with a bow.

and since i'm not apologizing for being too dark, i have one last news tidbit to broadcast: chief justice john roberts is an epileptic? really? wikipedia says: "Epilepsy is one of the most common of the serious neurological disorders." explains the conservatism (hiyo?).
but at least he's in good company: julius caesar, socrates, harriet tubman, neil young, hugo weaving and danny glover. danny glover! sergeant roger murtaugh, i never knew.