jesse says i'm too angry

damn right.

Bush Calls for Global Emissions Goals

President Bush today outlined what he described as a new initiative to combat global warming, calling on other nations to work with the United States in setting a long-term goal by the end of 2008 for reductions in greenhouse gases.

dear bush, welcome to the party that many many many of your counterparts have already been at for years. congrats on realizing the glaringly obvious and for doing what requires little imagination.
we all give you a pat on the back for your success. gold star. you've earned an extra 10 minutes of recess.

and finally, something i can agree with christian conservatives about:
Bush Requests $30 Billion to Fight AIDS
instead of oppressing people, they now want to help. how excellent.

if you had a highly contagious, hard-to-kill, deadly form of TB

and health officials said, "don't get on that plane or you might start a worldwide epidemic." what would you do?

hop on a plane for paris, bitches! and when they try to quarantine you in italy, you definitely should evade the no-fly ban they placed on you and hightail it to canada.

The man is now at Grady Memorial Hospital in Atlanta under federally enforced isolation after he was flown there from New York City on Monday in a plane owned by the C.D.C. He told The Atlanta Journal-Constitution that he was planning to undergo an intensive 18-month treatment at a hospital in Denver, and that he did not understand why he was not ordered into isolation before he left for his wedding in Europe.

“I’m a very well-educated, successful, intelligent person,” said the man, who declined to give his name. “This is insane to me that I have an armed guard outside my door when I’ve cooperated with everything other than the whole solitary confinement in Italy thing.

ok asshole, they DID tell you not to go, and what do you expect when you ran away from italia? idiot.
to be honest, i actually understand his decision to go paris. it was his wedding and all, so we'll give him a pass on that. but to go through all that effort to evade a no-fly ban, OBVIOUSLY THIS IS A BIG DEAL. americans are dumb.

one more reason to hate humankind

this is seriously infuriating, but at least these retards are fighting on the wrong side. the worst part is that the only sane person in this whole clip is the ohio state anthropologist. making ohio state look good. way. to. go.

(thanks andy for the tip. miss ya)

what's more disgusting?

1. the piston's game 4 loss against the cavs?
2. or gooden's ugly back-stache?

really inappropriate jokes

i'm pretty sure odd things have happened to me this week, but i've been too friggin busy to think of them.

so i leave you with this headline from "there's a reason you're the ivy league bottom dweller" dartmouth.

IFC (Inter-Fraternity Council) requires sexual assault training.

it explains so much!

in other sexual assault-related news, michigan's beta chapter (beta theta wanna rape-ya) was shut down for alcohol related offenses. it's about time.

and even more: a man was apprehended for indecent exposure at UCSB, a sex crime (at least in michigan).

According to a University of California Police Department press release, McDonald scheduled an appointment with a female academic advisor to receive assistance filling out graduate school applications, however, the meeting took an abrupt change when the student unexpectedly exposed his penis.
The faculty member then ordered McDonald to return his penis to his pants and leave the facility.

i wish i was the one who got to write that last sentence.

pick your poison

would you rather die of a heart attack caused by a diabetes drug?
or
would you rather die of a heart attack caused by diabetes?

decisions, decisions.

ohio state still sucks ...

but this headline in its school paper tickled me slightly:

Crew bombed by Red Bulls
columbus's MLS team lost to new york's, which is awesomely named after the grotesque energy drink.
get it? bombed? red bull? wasted?

RIP veronica mars

CW, you MURDERERS who killed my beloved spunky blonde detective. why why why. the only consolation is that she is going to be narrator of gossip girl. considering VM's fondness for voice-over, she is going to become the morgan freeman of teen dramedy.

in other media happenings, two genius sports headlines.
Royals To Get A Taste Of Angels' Colon
and
Yankees' Wang hit hard by Rangers
Even better, check out the picture that goes with.

plus, a bonus video: worst movie scenes ever.



thx to coop, allen, will, and jesse.

harvard has done something, so we all must care

sort of big story out of harvard is a change in curriculum, from their old "core" system to general education, a move that would emphasize "the real-world applications of a liberal arts education." ignoring the inherent contradiction, i don't really have a problem with the change, especially since there are few details of what the specific changes will be. one change that has been announced, however, pisses me off.

[The original] report made headlines by proposing that every undergraduate be required to take a course in the study of religion and a course on the United States. The group’s final report, released in February, eliminated the requirement of a religion course but retained the requirement of a course on the United States.

how typical that we would require a course in the US, but not in religion, especially at a time when greater understanding of the world is necessary. i'm going to go all hippie extremist here, but what we don't need right now is more patriotic rah-rahing. fox news takes care of that. a required course in religion, especially if it was one that touched on anything besides christianity, would show an attempt to be more worldly.
stepping back into the reality, any requirements like this don't matter on a pragmatic level--it's only one school and whether students would actually learn anything is questionable, at best--but symbolically it shows where our minds are. in our jingoistic asses.

live from my office, first day of upfronts

NBC has released its fall schedule. what really matters:

1. friday night lights: back, but on friday. how fitting, but not really. i'll almost always be out drinking when this is on. VCR tape it is.

2. Law & Order, regular and CI: regular is back (phew), but on sunday night. this is a smart move, and a much better place than fridays. maybe i'll actually start watching it again. 18th season!! as for CI, weirdness.

Criminal Intent's new season will have its first run on USA and then be repeated on NBC, reversing the terms of the previous arrangement.

this is just bizarre. i wonder what days it will be on USA. either way, i'll probably end up watching it at some point. love ya dick wolf, even though my roommate who says he used to work for you hates you ...

3. bionic woman: despite the fact i've never heard of the lead actress (michelle ryan? she doesn't even have an imdb photo up), the new wednesday night show has at its helm david eick, of battlestar galactica fame. plus, katee sackhoff (from BG) will be the villain! i think 3 other people who read the post will care about this, but to everyone else: you don't matter.

4. journeyman:


with a heroes lead-in, i'm guessing people will only be able to stand so much sci-fi. it's got lucius vorenus from HBO's rome in it, and he's a badass, but otherwise i'm skeptical.

[it] has a time-travel element that sounds reminiscent of former NBC hit quantum leap.

sliders > quantum leap > journeyman? only time will tell.

5. lipstick jungle: starring patricia arquette, brooke shields and kim raver. i predict they will show no more than 8 episodes of this, no matter how critically acclaimed it is. it's sex and the city, but with ugly people. no thanks.

only in detroit

2 stories from the freep:
http://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gif
1. State Appeals Court to close for 8 days to ease deficit: this is pathetic. state doesn't have enough money, so the solution is to shut down the government. nothing new, of course, but nonetheless sad. feel bad for all the poor people who have to take 8 days unpaid leave. even if they wanted to take a vacation, how'd the pay for it?

2. dearborn policeman and wife eat pot brownies, and absolutely freak out. it is an absolute necessity to listen to the accompanying audio of the dispatch tape. you will not regret it, i guarantee. make sure you listen to the end ...

yellow mornings

have you ever had a roommate who doesn't find it important to flush after peeing? my roommie right now is fine in most respects. nice enough, gives me free booze, tells funny stories (over and over again), but he also doesn't dispose of his waste in the morning/late night. is it so hard to just push the little lever?
i haven't talked to him about it b/c honestly i have no idea how to approach this problem. it's like telling someone they have BO.
sadly, i don't even care anymore. i just sigh, flush it myself, and go on with my day. ugh.

drugs and alcohol

and now that i have your attention, notes on two tv commercials.

the first is that cartoon anti-pot commercial.


the moral of the story is that if you smoke pot, an alien will steal your girlfriend. if there's any good reason to stop smoking up, then i believe it's that. however, whoever came up with that commercial was clearly hopped up on LSD. the moral of that story is if you take hallucinagens, you get cool marketing jobs. pick your poison.

my second point is about the one sexy miller lite commercial whose main premise is that "miller lite has fewer calories ounce by ounce when compared to white wine." DON'T BE FOOLED BY THIS FOOLISH STATEMENT. of course miller lite has fewer calories per ounce of liquid. it also has less alcohol per ounce of liquid. in fact, most of a drink's calories come from the alcohol.

miller lite is 4% alcohol and has 96 calories for a standard 12 oz can.
a dry chardonnay can be 12% alcohol, and offers 230 calories for 12 oz, which is about 3 times the amount a respectable waiter would give you.

so yes, you are getting almost 3 times as many calories if drinking wine, but you're also getting drunk three times faster. if you want to lose weight, miller lite is not necessarily the answer. advice: stop drinking.

what does the word "pint" mean to you?

when you read the headline "saving a life one pint at a time," do you immediately think, "wow! i can save lives by drinking beer? yes, yes i WILL read this story!"
well i did.
unfortunately, the story is about giving blood. i've been had.

10 things you DON'T have to do before you graduate

so it's not michigan, but it basically all applies. except for pokey sticks. gotta go to MSU for those. great list, i especially love 5 and 6.

# 6. Chalk the Quad
We're not coming to your event, and we're probably not going to vote for you. We also don't care that it's Jen-Jen's birthday today. In fact, we hope it rains.
# 5. Go to a protest on the Quad
Protests are a powerful form of civil disobedience. When used correctly, they can help sway the course of history. You and the four other people in your club protesting something ludicrous from the safety of the Quad doesn't do any of those things.

Nick Escobar and Vasanth Sridharan, are you listening? you are officially hired as co-chiefs of too much skunk's champaign urbana bureau. congrats.

more hilarity from the stat counter

apparently, another way you can find this blog is if you type "can you eat skunk?" in google. for some reason it leads to the post about the weakness of man.
which makes me wonder, can you eat skunk? apparently american indians in northern california ate skunk.
then i came across this "appalachian trail enthusiast" forum. genius

You can (and I have) eat just about anything on four feet, some just taste better than others.
Squirrles and chipmunks carry a prion disorder like mad cow -- don't eat the brains.
'musky animals' muskrat, skunk, beaver are edible but you have to be carefull when you skin them or they taste like... well words can't describe how skunk meat polluted with skunk musk tastes.

i highly recommend reading through the forum, if not for the off chance you're stranded in the forest, then for how funny hikers can be.

office shenanigans

1. it's freaking freezing cold in this office. what a waste of energy.
2. we have this great machine where we can make free hot chocolate. i have lots of praise for the product, but what i especially like is that the cocoa maker is noisy as all shit. this probably sucks balls for the shmuck who sits near that kitchen, and funny enough, i happen to really not like that guy. i don't think i've ever liked hot cocoa more.

people really love mulan

in the ultimate act of cyber narcissism, i installed a stat counter on my blog. it tracks a bunch of neat facts, most interestingly, where people come to this site from. the number one way people find my blog? they are searching "mulan" in google images, and the pic i use in the "about me" is the first google hit.
and for some reason, it directs wanderers to my post about being a self-hating asian. whatever works, i suppose.

pre-party police meeting. genius?

i haven't decided whether it's awesome or lame to have a meeting with the madison pd before a huge block party at the university of wisconsin. better yet, it's at the senior center. and in case you were wondering:

The forecast for Saturday’s 38th Annual Block party calls for clear skies and temperatures hovering near the 70-degree mark.

punished for my spite

remember when i thought i was one-upping my roommates by eating those potato chips? well, i woke up this morning to find that MY chips were completely devoured in the past 2 days.
how the tables have turned.

cultural hermaphrodite

i like football, action/sci-fi movies, red meat, etc. i have a fear of commitment and a lack of emotions. i think i may have been born the wrong gender. and to top it off, my favorite site to research for my other blog is Uncrate, "the buyer's guide for men ... a web magazine for guys who love stuff."
i do like stuff, and i really like their stuff.
i had no idea that uncrate was a men's blog, but when i did realize it, i freaked out and looked for girly consumerism sites to offset the male-centricness of the content. check out shiny shiny, domino, absolutely beautiful things, and shelterrific.
good to be a girl? i guess.

genius that i will truly never understand

r. kelly, the guy who likes to pee on underage women (allegedly), is writing a song "rise up" as tribute to the victims at virginia tech. lyrics look good, and all i need to say are two words. space jam.