johnnie cochran + football = superbowl XLI

since the superbowl is making history this year, anyone want to take bets on how much they play up the two black coaches thing? and how that's somehow relevent to prince being the halftime show? there's a joke there somewhere. i'll take suggestions.

jennifer clayton update

thank you ty, for making my day/month/year. check out the new comment on an old post!

UPDATE 1/31/07: another jennifer clayton post, from a random jennifer clayton. you can bet i was really scared when i read on gmail, "jennifer clayton has left a new comment on your post "i hate jennifer clayton"..."

i thought ty had ratted me out, but apparently there just has been a flurry of "jennifer clayton" activity on google. very odd.

me + animals + my financial information = animosity

i pay one of my online bills through mycheckfree.com

the mascot for this site is a golden retriever, and a photo of him is on every page of this website.

the site's tagline is "Scout, the CheckFree Bill Retriever is ready to fetch for you - free!"

I HATE PAYING BILLS ON THIS SITE. the fact that i'm doing important transactions and trusting my personal information on a site that has a stupid dog on it really really bugs me. geico and aflac can kiss my ass too.

death to my computer

days after getting the internet back, my computer decided to freak out and bust a lightbulb. it's w/ the apple people now. this will likely slow blog posts, especially during the weekend. in happier news, i'll be getting a whole new screen on my computer. woohoo? an excerpt from my trip to apple:

me: my computer is broken
girl: what's wrong w/ it?
me: the light's out, but i can still make out vague images
girl: oh, your inverter is probably broken
me: ....
girl: ....
me: what (the fuck) is an inverter?

(later)

girl: so do you want the flat rate repair rate? or part by part?
me: which one's cheaper?
girl: probably the flat rate
me: that one
girl: do you want the data transfer?
me: is it extra?
girl: yes
me: then no
girl: do you want extra coverage?
me: is that extra money?
girl: yes
me: then definitely no ... don't you see a trend here?
girl: yes
me: ok good. (smart girl)

more thoughts on the oscars

maybe there is a perfectly good explanation for this, but why is Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan up for an award in the "best adapted screenplay" category? what, exactly, is this adapted from? that one best selling book by borat? or clearly this is a remake of a '70s classic.

also a fun note, in the foreign film category is "water" which comes to our shores from the very foreign canada. unless it's from quebec, i think it should be DQ'd. foreign films must have subtitles. it's an official rule.

edit: water apparently has non-white people in it. i guess it counts.

and for the record, this is the list of the movies that are nominated that i have yet to watch. any takers in the DC area?

pan's labarynth
dreamgirls
the queen
the last king of scotland
babel
half nelson
notes on a scandal
the illusionist

notes on a below average life

i think i've done this before, but i can't help feeling a little angsty about my position in life. abigail breslin, the chubby cute girl from "little miss sunshine" is nominated for an oscar. she is 10. sigh.

in 5th grade ... i was asking my teacher whether it was fair that people had to say "under god" in the pledge of allegiance if they didn't believe in god. i guess i was advanced, but i didn't get an oscar nod for my troubles.

the worst part of living on the 3rd floor of a tall house ...

is that the fridge is all the way downstairs.

which is why winter is amazing. i use my window ledge as a fridge/freezer. right now, i've got applesauce, some pudding, and cranberry juice an arm's length away. genius. pictures to come.

we know we're in trouble if judge judy is # 13

forbes ranked the 20 richest women in entertainment. not surprisingly, oprah was #1. judge judy made the list, too, which raises a whole slew of questions, most of which were answered by wikipedia.

it's sad that such low-brow (not that i'm a connoisseur of the high-brow) entertainment is one of the few ways that catapults women into wealth. if it weren't for oprah and martha there'd be no executives or directors or producers or anyone with any real power on this list.

speaking of low brow, britney spears is # 12.

a survey of cable tv

what's on tv at 1 a.m.? here's what

two, two, different episodes of the cosby show. that rudy is so cute, getting lost in the mall and then break dancing w/ denise and theo. oh wait. separate episodes. oh wait, is that blair underwood? hot.

two episodes of 24, plus a larry king interview w/ the season 6 cast. why do people care about what actors think about their characters? it's like asking puppets to talk about the strings that pull them. THEY JUST SAY THE LINES. if you want to know more about the characters and the plot, you ask the director, creator, and writers. more often than not, listening to actor interviews ruins all allure the fake characters have. why go there?

five different home decorating shows. jesus. who watches this stuff? besides me, that is.

the internet returns, let the brain rotting begin

you know that giddy feeling you get/got on christmas morning? ready for your gifts and all that? when i found out my internet/cable would return soon saturday between 9-12, the message felt heaven-sent. saturday morning came and i literally LEAPT out of bed to see if internet was back on. WHAT DID SANTA LEAVE ME? FACEBOOK MESSAGES? BLOG COMMENTS? INTERESTING WORLD EVENTS?

well i'm back - ready to watch all the back episodes of battlestar galactica and friday night lights that i missed.

more falling apart

from the nytimes:

"Time Inc. laid off nearly 300 people today at its top magazines, including its most profitable title, People, which is shutting down its bureaus in Washington, Miami, Chicago and Austin, Texas.
People is laying off 44 editorial employees, though it is also creating 7 new jobs, for a net loss of 37.
Time, the company’s flagship magazine, is also cutting about 50 people, and is shutting down bureaus in Los Angeles, Chicago and Atlanta. Seven positions in its Washington bureau and three in Paris are being eliminated."

my one question, though, is why People had an austin bureau. is there that much celebrity stuff going on down there? i guess there's the whole music scene, but honestly who cares about that. if mariah carey isn't there, it really doesn't matter at all.

ditto about paris. americans don't care about the french. freedom haters!

the earth is falling apart, literally.

from the grist list:
- A million-dollar stone sculpture constructed to "remind future generations of the Earth's fragility" collapsed just three months after its unveiling. Officials suspect water damage or glue failure. We suspect God has a healthy sense of irony. -

"My Unpaid Debt Still Haunts Me"

that's a headline on a personal finance advice column. now let's deconstruct why this is dumb. the reason your debt haunts you is b/c it is unpaid. and isn't debt inherently unpaid? here's some advice. don't spend assloads of money that you don't have.

the commute to work, the coughing and wheezing edition, in two parts

part one: the worst thing that can happen on my way to work is just barely missing the bus. i'm talking, it's less than a half a block away - literally a stone's throw - but traffic goes so fast that you can NEVER catch up. you can only slowly watch it get smaller and smaller. today though, i decided to run. run like a maniac. four blocks later, i got on the bus. coughing. wheezing. sweating. light-headed. all around bad shape. 30 minutes into work. still coughing and still feeling like i'm missing 3/8 of one lung.

part two: walking from CVS to work, after i got gatorade to recover. i saw one of my favorite city sights. a girl in running shoes, spandex running pants, a zip-up sporty pullover stretched over a sports-bra uniboob (you know what i mean) and an ipod strapped onto her arm. she was also chain smoking. i didn't actually see her coughing and wheezing, but i'm sure that was to come.

other important things that happened on Jan. 12

that is, besides my birth (according to my google homepage widgets):

Emperor Yohannes Crowned in Ethiopia (1872)
One of the most popular post-Theodorean Emperors, Yohannes IV was the first to receive an imperial coronation in the city of Axum in over 200 years. In 1875, when the British refused to stop their Egyptian allies from marching into Ethiopia, he gathered his armies and met the Egyptian force at Gundat, where his strategic use of topography gave him the victory. He subsequently consolidated his power, and Ethiopia experienced a period of relative peace.

1737: American patriot John Hancock born
1876: Novelist Jack (John Chaney) London (The Sea Wolf, The Call of the Wild, White Fang) born
1915: The US House of Representatives rejected a proposal to give women the right to vote.
1932: Mrs. Hattie W. Caraway became the first woman elected to the United States Senate.
1943: The wartime Office of Price Administration said standard frankfurters would be replaced by "Victory Sausages" consisting of a mixture of meat and soy meal.
1944: Former heavyweight boxing champion Joe Frazier (World Heavyweight Champion 1970-1973) born
1945: During World War Two, Soviet forces began a huge offensive against the Germans in Eastern Europe.
1948: The Supreme Court ruled that states could not discriminate against law-school applicants because of race.
1951: Political commentator Rush Limbaugh born
1954: Radio personality Howard Stern born
1966: Rock singer Rob Zombie (White Zombie) born
1971: A federal grand jury indicted the Rev. Philip Berrigan and five other people, including a nun and two priests, on charges of plotting to kidnap presidential adviser Henry Kissinger.
1973: Yassar Arafat is re-elected as head of the Palestinian Liberation Organization.
1994: President Clinton asked Attorney General Reno to appoint an independent counsel to investigate the Whitewater affair.
1995: Qubilah Shabazz, the daughter of Malcolm X, was arrested in Minneapolis on charges she tried to hire a hitman to kill Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan (the charges were later dropped in a settlement with the government).
1995: Amid unprecedented media hype, the murder trial of Hall of Fame football star O.J. Simpson began in a Los Angeles Superior Court. Simpson was accused of killing his ex-wife Nicole and her friend Ronald Goldman.
1998: Linda Tripp provided Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr's office with taped conversations between herself and former White House intern Monica Lewinsky.
1998: A judge ordered Tyson Foods Inc to pay $6 million in fines and penalties for giving airplane rides, pro football tickets and other gifts to former Agriculture Secretary Mike Espy.

and if you don't like words: today's issue of my favorite comic.

almost 23

one of those worthless ages. but no worries. the jesses will be in town. and i'll be getting my drink on. rock.

administrative note: comments are open to all

for some reason, i restricted notes to people who were blogger members. now, i think anyone can post. please, discuss this blog. make it a wild cultural phenomenon.

how to thwart an abduction attempt

very informative, although a bit obvious.

an excerpt:

10. LIE about advantages you may have. You should do anything to make the attacker think he/she is as unsafe as possible. This means lying about advantages you don't have.

* "My dad is the chief of police. You don't want to do this."
* "I have anhydrous diabetic chronic pneumonia [made-up disease]. I have to take my medication every 3 hours, or I'll die. If you take me, you're looking at murder charges, no matter what."
* "There's a police station two blocks away. Why are you doing this here?"
* "I have HIV. You don't want to do this." (good way to scare off potential rapist)
* It is best to call the police, but if for some reason you cannot (lost cellphone, etc.), you should always tell an attacker that police are on the way. "I dialed the panic button from my cellphone, police are on the way. Just run now, and you'll be safe."

avril lavigne, yes, she'll be back

just so you know, avril is coming out with a new single in february and a new album soon after. can't wait!!!!!!!!!

from MTV news:

"Contrary to earlier reports — and her own MySpace page — Avril Lavigne's new album will not be called The Best Dam Thing, but rather The Best Damn Thing. According to her spokesperson, Lavigne intentionally misspelled the title, "but she decided to change it. Kind of like 'Sk8er Boi.'" "

avril. you're cute. you have a decent voice. you're canadian. but you're also extremely dumb. jessica simpson dumb. just. don't.

drool

i wish i still had cingular so i could get the iphone.

best way to spend $200

once you buy $200 worth of gold in this china shop, then you can go ahead and relieve yourself in this gold bathroom

CUTE. and dirty

can i get some gladware into this mother?

reasons why i'm mad at my house right now.

1. my roommate didn't pay the cable bill. no tv, no internet. i've already missed an episode of friday night lights, and FYI! 24 is starting on sunday. 8 pm. double episode. this needs to be fixed and soon.

2. i cooked lunch for myself to bring to work, and knowing there was plenty of tupperware and gladware in the cabinet, i stir fried with the best of them. when i went to put the food in a container, i could not find one bottom that matched a lid. not one. i counted: there were 11 containers and 8 lids. NONE MATCHED. are you kidding me? why are they even there? why don't they just throw away the lids and call the other half ugly bowls? i then went to CVS, bought two containers, and hid the one i wasn't using.

3. there is no garbage disposal. welcome to the 19th century. ok, i'm spoiled, but not having one is just terrible. you have to throw your liquidy leftovers out the window and have to be hyper careful when washing plates. i'd rather have a disposal over a dishwasher, times 100.

that's it. no other complaints. otherwise, life is good. no angst whatsoever. and i've started reading books.

RIP ramen king

the guy who invented instant ramen died. he wanted to combat food shortages in WWII (he was 96). he also wanted to feed poor college students.

thank you ando. i love the oriental flavor. is that what we taste like?

update: i ate ramen noodles today. beef flavor.

asians are different!

asians and white people are different. newsflash.

actually, it's really interesting (thanks andy!) i guess it's harder than i thought to escape my background because i definitely look at objects like an asian. damn

something about typical average michigan people. or something.

headline: a detroit free press columnist makes no sense talking about michiganders being average.

can someone please explain what this is about?

no wonder i moved to DC.

i wonder how much my blog is worth

probably not much. how sell-out would i be if i got a little google adsense up on this biotch? without endorsing click fraud, i'd probably bring in a couple bucks a year. i can maybe buy myself a burrito. a frozen one. from 7-11.

in other blog news, i've been researching this story and have stumbled upon some disturbing information. there are companies out there that pay private bloggers to write posts about their advertisers. payperpost comes to mind. it's just so unethical. stupid blogosphere and its lawless state.

in more stream of consciousness blog talk, i just read this sentence in an orlando sentinal story on people getting paid to blog.

"Is this free enterprise at work? Or yet another nail in the coffin of the Internet's credibility?"

since when, exactly, has the "internet" had credibility?

journalists are so silly sometimes.

dear the michigan football team

i hate life.

love, ali