the problem w/ family weddings

dear diary

went to a wedding yesterday. it was sooooo magical and great!

i met some cute boys, fun, funny, nice, etc.

but, oops. teehee, they were related to me. hate when that happens.

oh well. it's no big deal, though. right?

right?

the photo line up

everyone has a celebrity counterpart. so who's mine?

once upon a time, some people (mostly men) said i looked like jessica alba. i find that hard to believe, but you decide for yourself.



then, once upon a long time ago, i was compared to stephanie, from full house, aka jodie sweetin. just imagine her w/ dark hair and slanty eyes.



but alas ... this is where i think i draw the most resemblance.



the finishing touch is the remnants of food surrounding this guy. delish.

goodbye boston

we sometimes didn't get along, but i'll sort of miss you. but mostly not.

i will miss, however, my guardian angel. he lived on the balcony across the way, and i always knew he was watching over me. cute, right?

if you don't know how to squeeze

then you better learn! or else this sign will be very mad at you.

i got you good jennifer clayton

i got you good, sort of. in my quest to ruin her name, i've half succeeded. unfortunately, "jennifer clayton" is a pretty common name. there is some TV producer (who has produced 2 worthless shows) and a swim coach in boise, idaho.

however, my blog is the 14th hit. YES.

even more happily, if you search "jennifer clayton michigan," yours truly is number one! this is good news, friends. if you want, please google "jennifer clayton," find my blog, and click on it. i think it will boost the listing even more if enough people do it.

to all you who have had shitty roommates, unite with me! power to the people. the spiteful, evil people.

poor pluto

my brother's away message:

"haha pluto got owneddddd"

he's so funny. makes me proud.

Mary Sue, you're a star

friday's globe will feature a story about a betting website, bodog.com, that has odds and bets on who will be harvard's next president in the wake of larry summers's resignation.

Michigan's own Mary Sue Coleman has better odds, in a pool of 17, than Cornell Provost Carolyn Martin, former Harvard provost and current president of the Institute of Medicine Harvey V. Fineberg, University of Pennsylvania President Amy Gutmann ... and former Michigan president, Lee C. Bollinger.

i always knew she had that speshul sumthin.

i think i will name my child "Peipei Wu Wishnow"

on the 2nd to last day of work at the globe, i discovered a very cool file listing at least 1,000 (1,000!!) people who have names that aptly describe their jobs or attribution. a very small sampling:

Bonnie Beaver, animal behaviorist
Dr. Michael Prober, medical researcher
Shady Blackwell, police chief of Lempster, N.H.
Michael Landfear, victim of drowning
General Goon, government officer in Liberia
Robert F. McWeeny, Connecticut Superior Court judge involved in sex-abuse cases (June 14, 2002).
David Lackey, spokesman for Senator Olympia Snowe.
Uzi Landau, Israeli security minister
Dr. Ornella Semino, researching chromosomes of primordial European males
Peipei Wu Wishnow, founder of “herbal Viagra”
Glorious Fealing, investigator on Wrentham sexual harassment case

i think "Robert F. McWeeny" probably would have a lot of trouble, no matter what his job. and Dr. Prober should have been a proctologist.

close the blinds, the "truth squad" is coming

in an associated press story about out-of-control katrina contracting:

The report came as House Democrats announced a new six-member ‘‘truth squad’’ they said would highlight the problems before the November congressional elections.

in the war of the words, with the GOP's "Cut and Run" and "flip flopper," among others, the score is:

GOP: 128,920,829
Democrats: ZERO

i have a word for you, Democrats ... pathetic. look it up.

next up, Democratic-sponsored captain planet stops the business lobby from destroying the earth.

"she ... did not think the knife would go in that far"

in wednesday's globe

At the time of the stabbing, (Lina) To was 16 years old, 8 1/2 months pregnant with Ethan, and furious with (Rocky) Ham for saying he was going to park their car — and instead going to a friend’s house in Roxbury, where he spent two hours, according to Suffolk Assistant District Attorney Terrence M. Reidy.
As the 19-year-old Ham lay on the couch around 2:30 a.m., To told police, she stabbed him three times and then went back to bed.
"She said she was only trying to scare him and did not think the knife would go in that far," Reidy said.

hell of a way to scare someone.

on a somewhat related note, it's really confusing to read a story where one of the main last names is "To." my name is probably just as bad, but i haven't gone and stabbed my baby's daddy in recent memory.

if i cared about baseball, i'd probably be a yankees fan

for the most part, i root for the underdog. i like the upset. i like the lions. i'm liberal. of course i like the underdog. but when it comes to red sox/yankees, i can't help but want the yanks to win. here's why:

1. red sox fans are annoying. they will rip your face off if you say anything remotely anti-sox. if you explain it's b/c you know nothing about baseball, they'll just rip your nose off. they are totally irrational. and that color red hurts my eyes.

2. red sox fans are DESPERATE. you had a curse b/c your team had horrible managers! it's not a REAL curse. you just were never that good! learn from it. get over it.

3. red sox fans care way more about the rivalry than yankees fans. they just do.

which brings me to my final conclusion. the red sox remind me of ohio state. the buckeyes are OBSESSED w/ the OSU/UofM game. their whole existence during the football season revolves around it. they would rather see michigan lose, even if it means a win over michigan would mean less. they are irrational, annoying, and pathetic.

bostonians ... sound familiar?

the yankees represent arrogance, patrician ideals, and the monopolization over its craft. the yankees rarely strive for greatness; they are maintaining it.

for the most part, us michigan folk are the same way. i'm not proud of it, but i just can't help it.

i hate jennifer clayton

JENNIFER CLAYTON. right now, i'm writing a blog posting for the sole purpose of tarnishing the name of JENNIFER CLAYTON. i hope that anytime she is looking for a job, and someone googles her, this blog comes up. JENNIFER CLAYTON was signed up for our lease in ann arbor, almost never payed her bills on time, broke a window, and as far as i know, has not paid to fix it. she also was not exactly diligent about washing the dishes and keeping the place from going to shambles. she is impossible to get a hold of and is either really stupid or a huge bitch. we are going to sue her (so yes, potential employer, do a background check!) and try to ruin her credit. she has caused pain and suffering (mental, psychological, and financial) for the rest of the girls of 1355 wilmot court.

so i wish her the best.

JENNIFER CLAYTON, jennifer clayton, Jennifer Clayton, JenNifEr CLaytOn, jeNNiFEr cLAytOn.

if you're not sure whether this is the correct JENNIFER CLAYTON, she is from houghton lake, michigan, has a boyfriend named jeff, or greg, or something. is tall, skinny, generally good-looking with long blonde hair, a math major, and really likes to eat chutney (yeah, and that's probably still in the fridge, you dirty dirty person).

if you have any questions about how much this girls sucks, please contact me.

also, if you have any ideas on how to make this the first link under a google search of "jennifer clayton," please let me know.

also, if you think this is possibly illegal, please let me know. i'd rather not be sued myself. thanks

size DOES matter

who knew bursley could cause such a ruckus.

a strange old man (one i definitely wish i took a photo of, think of the guy in Amores Perros) - scraggly and crunchy white hair, maybe homeless, with weird little jesus pin, came up to three of us and after some friendly conversation, handed caroline this note:



the convo went something like this:

to caroline: are you one of those people with a dirty mind?
caroline: what?
strange old man (SOM): i have something for you.
caroline: what?
SOM: i have something i want you to see

(an aside .. alison thinks: UMMM!!! KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS BUDDY!)

caroline: what? do i have to pay to see it? (now why caroline is asking if she has to pay to see it ... why this is occuring at this moment, is beyond me)
SOM: no, now don't think i'm a dirty old man, but here's something for you. i just wanted to comment on your sign (i'm guessing he meant shirt)

then he hands the note. and then it is forever immortalized in this blog.

my favorite part: the creative spelling of "toole."

what are the friggin chances

so caroline and i are at this umich alumni association thing in the boston-area; a sort of meet and greet for incoming freshman so they can see how cool us wolverines are. anyway, it's mostly just sitting around and eating burgers and hot dogs. i get talking w/ this girl. turns out she lived in VH4, my freshman year hall. i mean, that's weird enough. right? turns out, she lived in my room. MY ROOM. let's just say there was a a lot wigging out. i mean. there are appx 7000 frosh each year, and i run into the girl who lived in my room 2 years later. plus, her name was allison. blows my friggin mind.

JonBenet Ramsey. are you serious?

this was the lead story in a whole lotta papers. WHY? b/c she is a cute blonde girl! if she was black/asian/hispanic, there would have never been a big deal about this in the first place. like that stupid aruba slut. way to ruin the name of a perfectly good island.

but that's not why i'm posting. check out this strange quote from the attorney for the ramsey family:

‘‘It’s been a very long 10 years, and I’m just sorry Patsy isn’t here for me to hug her neck,’’ Wood said.

her neck? what? strangle her too?

too soon?

is it creepy how much i use creepy?

b/c i'm a narcissist, i just went back and read a bunch of my old blog posts. the most common word after "the," "a," and "I," was "creepy." what does this say about me? that i'm clearly an uncomfortable person who has high expectations for normal. and that i have a limited vocabulary. i will fix myself.

even too creepy for me

let's look at the first myspace friend request i've rejected.
Carter

just so you have an idea, these are some of this guy's groups:
sex with socks on, horney people, Fetish Follies, Naughty in Michigan, QUARTER BOUNCE HOTTIES

he is also 46, has kids, but is a swinger ... dont' forget to check out the comments on his board thing.

my commute

if ya'll want to know what my drive to and from work is like, you've come to the right place.



here is my scenic drive to work, franklin park. nice, no? too bad it's part of one of the most dangerous parts of boston, most of which i drive through. some girl's corpse was burned in the park a couple months back. and does anyone sort of think of the black hole sun video when you look at this pic? maybe it's just me.


this one has a more foreboding sense to it, maybe b/c it's in the tunnel. you know, one of the boston tunnels that fall down and kill people? i have to drive through those to chauffeur the other intern home. and even if you're worried, try not to look at the ceiling while driving. you'll probably just crash into the wall and die just as well.

funny enough, it's not the shootings and tunnels that are most likely to kill me when in my car in boston. it's the other drivers. especially the ones with massachusetts license plates.

are you in love?

monday, i was at the subway stop, minding my own business when i was approached by an older man, black, wearing a button down shirt - buttoned down about two buttons too low.

his line to get me to talk to him (which i guess worked) was, "Are you in love?"
my reaction, internally: "WTF"
externally: "no"
his response, which is classic: "well how is it that a beautiful girl like you isn't in love?"

oy vey.

as an alleged psychology student at UMass, the guy psychoanalyzed me as someone with a fidgety personality. if by fidgety, he meant, uncomfortable and a little creeped out, then yes, fidgety.

in the end, he gave me his phone number, "if i wanted good conversation." the note is pictured below, and i blurred out the last couple numbers so all you jokers can't get me in some sort of trouble

tales of myspace

here is a sampling of the creepy messages i've gotten so far.

subject: hi sexy
My name is Paul, I live in california, San francisco. I'm 28, im 6'5" blonde, blue eyes, and in good shape, I have pictures to send if you are interested. I saw your pictures and think you are very cute and wish we could chat. I have yahoo if your interested, my screen name is juunbugg2002, im on right now so IM me.
I hope to hear from you

subject: wow, nice
wow mami, ur profile is incredible, u r gorgous, a true princess, and i am home back in michigan again, i was in the navy, and am now back home, i would be thrilled to have the chance to talk to you

subject: hi
my name is david 38 6ft4 230 married hi how areyou?

no subject
Hi i'm tayon & you'r allthat PLUS!!!!I'm lookin 2 meet!!

needless to say, myspace is awesome. i'm on my way to find me a husband.

do the wave

a nice picture of a pond ...



same picture, but hey! guy in the background! yes i AM taking a pic of you. wooooo.

i'm working on getting these 2 pics in a slideshow and looping them. it'll look like the 3rd quarter at michigan stadium.

a comma? maybe a period

in need of punctuation
Originally uploaded by skunkgal.

the signs in boston are awesome, when they exist


now tell me, is this sign telling me i should slow down because of a blind person? or that there is a slow blind person around? i'll take the latter, thanks.

If i ever got in a position of power

an excerpt from a news story about out of control immigration judges:

In one case, a judge in Boston was suspended after being accused of referring to himself as ‘‘Tarzan’’ during a court proceeding for a Ugandan woman named Jane.

amazing.

i will rule the 8th grade

caroline and i went to a free concert tonight. they played a bunch of symponies at the skill level of a decent high school orchestra, but they WORLD PREMIERED a piece by a 13-year-old. the four-movement symphony wasn't a masterpiece or anything, but it was cute. and who am i to judge? what was i doing at 13?

i actually thought about this as i was listening to the 2nd movement, the "slow klezmer dance," and i was ashamed it didn't come to me much faster. i was plotting my overthrow of the 8th grade. while this LOSER is writing orchestral pieces, i was running for 8th grade class president. i don't remember much about it, but i think i won b/c my last name is so easy to sloganize. "just GO for it" or some nonsense like that.

i also remember that there were campaign finance rules. you could only put up 4 posterboard posters to campaign; you know, so those REALLY rich kids from troy couldn't monopolize the election. in any case, my running mate, jina sawani, and i found the loophole. we just photo copied a hundred or so 8 1/2 x 11 sheets of paper and just PLASTERED them all over Boulan. those fools never saw it coming.

to conclude, i won, which was really the pinnacle of my popularity in my life. it was all downhill from there.

cake in a cup

this, if you cannot tell, is a cupcake, held up by caroline. it looks delicious, no? well it was, sort of. while it was quite tasty, the frosting had the consistency of gelatin or paste. not that i've ever eaten paste before.

it's not slacking off, it's research

there are so many reasons why this story is so apropos for this blog, re: my first post

also cool is that this is originally a detroit free press story. clearly, people from detroit know how to WORK.

sitting in the dark, alone. sort of

this is my life:

i am blogging from the suite of what is essentially a dorm room. right now, another globe intern, ari, is sleeping on his own couch, lightly snoring. the other guys who live here are sleeping in their own rooms. meanwhile, i'm sitting in the dark, with only the light of my screen, blogging and chatting w/ my cousin online. in some circles, this is pathetic. in others, it's creepy. the most pressing concern is how i'm going to find my computer bag in the dark when i want to leave.

in other news, caroline and i met some dudes from botswana. they are both med students and probably filthy rich. mine goes to school in ireland, hers at harvard. at least they could dance.

Lindsay Lohan, in her prime

one of my bosses just sent me this link.

i really think that glazed-over look coordinates with the color of her outfit.

i'm also glad to see the editors at the globe know what's REALLY important in the news.

next, in the pop culture-athon

For someone who doesn't have cable, i've been watching a lot of tv shows this summer. these have been virtual revelations, all in the past 2 months.

1. sports night - i'm not really a big aaron sorkin fan, but i might start. for the record, i watched 8 episodes in one sitting.
2. freak and geeks - 1980s metro-detroit. and it's got a soul.
3. the shield - i randomly watched season 4 and have plans to fill in the rest
4. the wire - continuing in my series of cops plus black drug dealers. i dunno why i like cop shows so much. perhaps fodder for a future worthless blog post.
5. battlestar gallactica - i'm supposedly this big fanboy. me liking this show doesn't help. but it's SOOOO good. even non-sci-fi freaks would like it. i swear.

myspace: i don't understand

how does the damn thing work? how do you get crazy backgrounds on your profie? this is way too complicated. i heart facebook.

celebrating the blog ... an emo pic

comments?

When netflix strikes

got netflix. have watched a lot of TV and movies. the highlights:

1. kinsey - pretty good until the disc started skipping during the "good parts."
2. oldboy - twisted korean flick. a little incest ... actually, a lot of incest.
3. talk to her - spanish men talking to their comatose "girlfriends." my favorite part includes a miniature man entering woman's vagina ... and living there.
4. to die for - nicole kidman rocking the highwaisted jeans. plus sex w/ minors.
5. wordplay - (insert down/across pun here) good movie about crossword puzzles. not surprisingly, no sex refernces.

At work, to play

what do you do when you've run out of work at work? you start a blog, that's what. in honor of this new blog, i will ramble. in memoriam of mark jen, infamous troy high school alum who managed to get himself fired from google by posting google "trade secrets" on blogger (which is owned by google), i will not be posting anything that can get me fired. ignoring the fact that i've just admitted to blogging while at work (is that fire-able?), i hope all will enjoy, including my snooping co-workers here at the globe.