the cocaine in spain is snorted mainly on the plain

ok, that's not really true, but spain apparently has the highest reported cocaine usage, and as proof, a report shows that 94% of spanish banknotes have traces of cocaine.

in other news, 6,000 migrants died at sea this year trying to get into spain.

connection? anyone?

1913-2006

Henry Kissinger:

"The modern politician is less interested in being a hero than a superstar. Heroes walk alone; stars derive their status from approbation. Heroes are defined by inner values, stars by consensus. When a candidate's views are forged in focus groups and ratified by television anchorpersons, insecurity and superficiality become congenital. Radicalism replaces liberalism, and populism masquerades as conservatism."

If anything, Gerald Ford was no superstar. Just what the doctor ordered.



"I believe that truth is the glue that holds government together, not only our government, but civilization itself." - Gerald R. Ford, Jr.

i kind of feel like joel zumaya

except, you know, not good at baseball. or even able to play baseball.

zumaya and i have a cosmic connection because of our mutual love of Guitar Hero. it caused him to miss the ALCS ... and my wrist hurts so bad i can barely blog.

the freep calls guitar hero a "PlayStation 2 game in which a player uses a guitar-shaped controller to simulate the performance of popular songs." i call it electronic heroin. irresistible.

merry christmas to me

$98 for roundtrip airfare from DC to Detroit in february. that's friggin amazing. this means 1 thing.

no one has any excuse for not coming to see me. if it's so friggin cheap, why aren't you visiting me in the gayborhood? and why aren't we all re-creating the 8th grade trip? and why, as long as we're asking questions, does joe pesci look so ridiculous in his role in "the good sheperd"? why why why.

sex addiction

hillary clinton says billy boy has gotten treatment for sex addiction.

let us all reflect on this fact. the former president of the united states of america has a sex addiction. i'm not talking about usher or tara conner (see below), but it's the president. i'm pretty sure it makes our country pretty cool.

looking into the future, do you think bill is going to talk about this at commencement? talk about a captive audience.

if you thought push-up bras were tricky

check this puppy out.



as flat as my ass is, i don't think i could ever bring myself to wear this. i mean, if someone sexually harasses you and pats you on the ass, you'd have no idea it ever happened. plus the dude who tried for a handful would know something was up. not that he'd ever tell. "hey, remember when i grabbed your butt and came up with a handful of foam padding? yeah, that was funny ..."

this would never happen to miss america

miss usa, a coke-snorting whore?



i didn't know this was what she looked like when i first heard the story. at first i was shocked. not so much anymore.

she looks like a porn star.

this is no one's fault except for the people who chose her to win.

"C" is the loneliest letter

it's aktually not lonely, but it's definitely the most worthless. think about. its primary sound is aktually the "K" and one of its sekondary sounds is really just an "S." the only unique sound "C" makes is the "ch," but i propose we get rid of it all together and just use "sh" instead of "ch." so: shikkity shina, the shinese shikken. musik to my ears.

bill clinton. are you serious?

Bill Clinton is going to be Michigan's commencement speaker in April. That is fucking ridiculous. I shouldn't be too upset, Christiane Amanpour was pretty sweet and at least we didn't have the xerox guy (girl?). now if they got Barack, maybe i'd be pissing myself in envy, being a part of the media and all. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

really really cute baby

but the best part of this video, at least for me, was that under the "related" video link next to it was "me trying to take a shit." i wasn't taking a shit. someone else. but you get the joke. right? hahaha...

soy milk = gay

i love right wingers. they make left wingers look sane. apparently soy milk has a feminizing effect on its drinkers. can you feel your testicles shrinking yet?



look at that tinky tempting you. can't resist the pull of the gay, can you?

"it's like fishing" - what is rywy talking about?

recent IM convo

so get to happy hour
and find yourself a man
or woman ...
sugar is sugar right?
and by that i mean money is money
get yourself some boob pushing shirts
arch that back
and wait
it's like fishing

the latest in obvious news: kids like to IM, adults don't

but now we have the numbers to back it up.

edit: i accidentally posted another story about nasa or something by accident. i wasn't trying to be really abstract and clever. god knows i don't know how to do either.

my new way to exercise consumerism

i think i've discovered the absolute best thing about living in the city. absolute. best.

not the totally hip scene. not the bars. not the lack of driving. ...

it's buying your groceries online and having them delivered.

i saw a big safeway truck the other day and have been browsing their website. it's absolutely amazing. there's a delivery fee, but it will probably end up being cheaper than buying food at wholefoods (the closest grocery to me). plus i will never have a "home alone" moment when all my bags rip and vegetables roll down the street.

another plus, i normally don't buy a lot of juice or pop (or soda) b/c it's heavy and i'm lazy. but now i can have a big burly man with a beard (or probably an immigrant) carry it to my doorstep. like i said, best ever.

gmail = overzealous

i clearly don't check my spam filter often enough, but i just noticed that gmail has been filtering out all my facebook alert emails. this is upsetting b/c it has preventing me from checking my wall the near moment something gets posted.

meanwhile, "Simple way to cure your ED" gets by. stupid gmail. i'm losing faith.

the safest dress ever ...

is made completely of condoms.

what do you do with millions of soggy doritos?

i don't really have anything funny to say except this is awesome.

in case you're not sure if he's dead yet ...

after you shoot the guy you can stab him, too. just in case.

when i think about it, though, this isn't that impressive. it's just a mini-bayonet. bayonet 2.0. they friggin had these in the civil war.

talk about ruining the mood

"sorry babe, i gotta go spray my junk so you don't get preggers."

rollertoaster. awesome.

more useless than a regular toaster (i'm partial to toaster ovens). unless, of course, you really needed to toast bread on the run, you can stick it right in your purse. neat.